Saturday, March 13, 2010
the mire and the apple
I am here unscripted with nothing but what's on my mind.
I am in the mire. You know, that place when you have a sneaking suspicion that something is not quite right, that something in your life has to change, maybe something big...but the details are still sneaking up on you. The revelation has yet to reveal itself. Either that or i'm averting my eyes...That transition place. Uncomfortable. Vulnerable. Kinda exciting. Raw place of possibility, where even beauty hurts the heart to behold.
In one of my workshops a participant once shared that 'Fear is just excitement but without the oxygen' - we freeze, contract, can't see clearly and forget to breathe when we are afraid. Well, i have been forgetting to breathe again. Funny how i forget the things i need in times of trial. I forget that happiness is not inherent in the events of life but how i greet them. The last few days i plum forgot that if i let myself feel sad or frustrated, feel it fully, then i can let it go and it passes. Just like the most connected and joyous of moments pass too.
Each moment is like one of these apples i got from our local orchard. $4 for a box of seconds. Each apple i have tasted has been delicious, each unique. All different sizes and shapes, different beauty spots/blemishs. Each has its own gifts. Just like each moment, each wave of emotion, each of us.